


Awake

by kohakuyume94



Category: Naruto
Genre: Coma, Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 09:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18892072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohakuyume94/pseuds/kohakuyume94
Summary: Yamato has always been desperate to try and repay his debts to Kakashi, but after the Rokudaime takes a blow that leaves him lost to a coma, his body guard struggles to find the hope that he might ever be worthy.





	Awake

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So here is my entry for Kakayama Week 2019 - Day Seven - Hokage.
> 
> Way back in Kakayama Week 2017, I wrote a short piece that was only posted to tumblr for the Rokudaime/Body Guard prompt that ended super sad and unresolved. So! I dove back into the archive, pulled it out, shined it up and gave it a part two!
> 
> Here are parts one and two! Hope you enjoy!

“Thank you for coming by, Naruto,” I smiled halfheartedly, clapping a hand unto the orange-clad shoulder of the young new Kage before me.

“Of course, Captain Yamato,” the blonde beamed back. “No way I could have gone through the day without coming by to thank Kakashi-Sensei. Wouldn’t have ever made it here without him, ya know.”

My smile strained further, enduring only through the irony of Naruto’s last remark.

_No, I suppose none of us would have…_

“Tell Hinata and the little ones hello for me,” I said instead. “And congratulations, again. I’m very proud of you. I know we both are.”

A moment later and my former student was gone, out the door and headed home as Konoha’s new Hokage.

I’d meant it when I’d said I was proud of him, no circumstance could change that, and I also knew, on some level, I was even happy for him, having finally achieved his childhood dreams. But, more than that, I would trade anything for this to have not been the day he was inaugurated, that he’d assumed the mantle of Kage.

I moved aimlessly through the kitchen, staring into the pantry for far too long before pulling out a cup of instant noodles.

_Fitting, to have ramen tonight, I suppose…_

Heading back with warm cup in hand, chopsticks tucked between my teeth, I sat settled into the large armchair at Kakashi’s bedside.

In and out. Gentle breaths. And the soft, consistent beeping of his heartbeat on the monitor.

It’d been a year now.

A year since he’d fallen under.

Six months since I’d convinced Lady Tsunade to let me make a room for him in my home and be his caretaker.

One month since the official decision was made; that the time had come to replace him as Hokage.

Just a few hours since the turnover had taken place.

The rest of the Village had moved on. His coma now equaled his passing in their eyes, and so, he became a memory to them, a legend. But I watched the rate of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest. Each day I stretched his muscles, feeling the blood pumping beneath. I shaved the stubble that continued to grow from his chin.

No, my Kakashi was very much alive.

Idiot that he was, he was alive.

And I knew, he was listening to me, feeling my touch, blushing somewhere inside himself when I’d read him his Icha-Icha novels, that he was so proud of Naruto tonight.

I reached a hand out to take his, leaning forward to rest an arm and my head on the bedside.

_I wish you would have woken today._

I wished this every day, but especially today. I wished I could have burst in just before Naruto’s inauguration just has Gai had burst in before the first time Kakashi was nearly inaugurated, announcing that Lady Tsunade had woken…

_I wish our places were traded…_

I wished this most of all.

Our places  _were_  traded. I was to be  _his_ body guard. It was my duty. My responsibility. And yet, when the sky cracked open to reign hell down on the Village once more, and the Rokudaime was called into action, he took the blow I was to take for him, and he fell beyond us all.

Masterfully as they acted, neither Sakura, nor Lady Tsunade could wake him. They managed to anchor his life to limb. And then we could only wait, and hope.

He'd told me once, dark eye peering into mine, that I would never understand how precious I was to him, or how lucky he was to know me. It had been late, just before I’d shipped out with Naruto before the start of the war. Alcohol had been on his breath. A tremble had been through his hands. His fingers had brushed mine.

He was right - I still don’t understand.

I only ever served as a burden to him. From childhood through ANBU years. Adulthood through war. And then, in the moment it mattered most – he saved me yet again.

What worthiness did he possibly see in me, the man unfit to even serve as his body guard?

I squeezed his hand in mine, biting against tears and the waning of my hope.

_Wake for me, please._

_I need to know…_

_Why?_

“Sleep well, Senpai,” I softly choked out. “I know you’ll wake soon. Even in my unending inadequacies, I know your strength will pull you through. And, while I know we’re both so proud of Naruto,  _you_  will always be my Hokage, Senpai… My relentless savior… Kakashi…”

I stayed the rest of the night, there, my fingers threaded through his. Nevermind having left the lamp on. Nor the untouched cup of ramen that grew cold beside us.

 

\----

 

First, he gasped. His eyes remained half-closed, whites barely visible between an opening of fluttering lashes. I snapped awake, too pumped with adrenaline to feel any of the ache from having fallen asleep so hunched over. Then, his fingers twitched in mine, and I released them as if they’d sent a charge through my body.

“K-Kakashi…?"

He gasped again, this time his eyes squeezing tight, grimacing.

“Kakashi! Senpai! It’s-it’s alright! It’s alright. I’m here. It’s okay. Wake for me. Come back, please! You can do it. You can-"

I found myself struggling to breathe as he was, my face wet, and the sound of his heart monitor blaring through my ears.

“Can you hear me?”

His face relaxed, along with his body, and he was still again.

“No…”

And then - his eyes at last opened to meet mine, and I sobbed without shame.

“Senpai… Welcome back…”

Somewhere within the logical part of my mind, I knew to press the little red emergency button Sakura had left me, to summon her if need be, and I managed to reach a hand over to do so. Every other part of me, was completely overcome.

“Tenzo…” he croaked, a tiny, nearly unintelligible garble.

“Yes? I’m here. It’s alright. Help is coming. What do you need?”

He blinked slow and heavy, expression unchanging as he answered flatly, “Don’t ever read me Icha-Icha out loud again…”

A chuckle broke through my weeping.

“Okay, Senpai. I promise...”

Sakura was there in the next instant, hastily working through her own silent tears of joy.

“Idiot…” she mumbled. “Of all the times to wake up…”

She took vitals and ran a myriad of tests before starting up plans for recovery and rehabilitation. At that point, it was dawn, and Kakashi was wriggling his fingers and toes, and back to smarting off with a gravel-y, but full voice.

“But, I’m hungry. I’ve been on an IV diet for how long now?”

“No solids yet. You need to give yourself time,” Sakura insisted, shuffling the last of her paperwork. “Believe me, you’ll have to do plenty of eating soon enough. You’ve a lot of weight gain ahead of you. For now, relax. Keep working on exercising what movement you can.”

She turned to me.

“Are you sure you’re alright if I go?”

I nodded, assuring her that I would call if anything at all changed.

“I’ll be back in a few hours. Just need to relieve Ino from watching Sarada, and make sure she gets off to the Academy alright.”

“Go nap for a bit,” Kakashi ordered. “Tenzo knows well enough how to take care of me. And it’s not like I’m going anywhere. Go sleep, and attend to anything else you need to. Don’t come back until the late afternoon.”

She gave a hesitant, but thankful nod, making me promise again to call her at the slightest change, and smiling wide as she remarked on her way out the door, “Really Kakashi-Sensei, I’m so glad you’re awake. You kept us waiting too long. Rest.”

When she’d gone, Kakashi looked blankly at the door, murmuring, “I’ve done nothing but rest…”

He sighed, turning his attention over to me, smirking.

“Tenzo, if you cry any longer, you’ll get dehydrated.”

“Shut up…” I wiped at my raw eyes. “Can I get you anything?”

“Mm, a big bowl of-"

“No.”

Groaning far more dramatically than necessary, he relented his petition for solid food.

“Can’t ever count on you to bend the rules, can I?”

His hands flexed open and shut, bigger and more controlled than before. Watching him move was like a most surreal dream.

“Okay, well, do something for me then?”

“Anything.”

“Relax, please.”

My brow furrowed and a let out a single, sarcastic laugh.

“You want me to relax?”

He nodded, beginning to explaining, “Being under is not like you’d imagine it… It wasn’t just like being asleep, and it wasn’t like being in a dream… It was like… being in a white room, waiting, and waiting… and you were taking to me over an intercom… Sometimes it was horrifying, because I knew people were touching me, but I couldn’t feel it, not really… Everyone else sounded as though they were underwater… and I think I thought they were underwater… we were all underwater, except I was in my waiting room… I don’t really know… But, I could hear you. And I think-did you hold my hand often?”

My face grew hot and I nodded.

“I felt that,” he confessed. “It was nice.”

His hand turned, palm opening and asking to be filled once more. I swallowed hard, trying to brace my expectations against the fall that this perfect reality might in fact have to be a dream after all.

Still, I allowed my hand to take his, breathless and smiling soft.

“You took care of me so completely for so long… you’ve always been taking care of me, Tenzo…”

I shook my head at this. Didn’t he know? He could he not understand? I’d always fallen short of his need.

“You need to let yourself relax some… I’m up. It’s time for me to take care of you…”

“Senpai… forgive me, but you’ve got it wrong.”

He blinked over me in confusion.

“The debt I’ve owed you since our meeting has only ever grown… I… If you wish it, I want to take care of you the rest of your days.”

His fingers tightened around mine, their strength starting to flourish, as he looked me in the eyes, that same look I’d seen so many years ago burning into me, and asked, “And what if I want to take care of you, too?”

My mouth ran dry, face hot. 

_You misheard him. Surely, you've misheard him._

But, he carried on.

“I don’t have it wrong. And you owe me no debt. If anything, I am indebted to you. Saving your life is nothing in comparison to all that you have done to save my soul, Tenzo.”

I found myself crying again, this time almost angrily.

“Why?” I demanded. “How can you say this? I have only  _ever_  been a burden to you. I opposed you when we were children- I even tried to take you life. I was a burden for you to teach and rehabilitate when you became my ANBU Captain, a puppy that followed after your feet, barking for your attention and praise. When I was finally able to see you again, to try and show my worth to you, I was unable to recover Sasuke, unable to keep Naruto from suppressing the Nine-Tails, several times… Unable to find Orochimaru. Unable to save you when Pain… Unable to keep myself from getting taken as a prisoner of war before the fighting even started. Unable to die before they took my knowledge and ability to use against my own people. And then, after everything, you honor me with the position of your body guard, and  _then_ ,  _even_   _then_ , I can’t even save you! You go under for me! And then you tell me to relax - that  _you_  owe  _me?!"_

I was standing then, wild-eyed and fuming, my hand torn from his.

"I don’t understand! Why!?”

He smiled, snickering slightly, somehow amused.

“Mah, perspective really is a damned thing, isn’t it…” he observed with a sigh.

I ran an arm to wipe snot from my nose, teeth clenched and ears red, ready to shout again, when he opened his mouth and left me helpless.

“Because, I love you, my Tenzo…”

My throat dried, something like a pang of the most beautiful, perfect, unbelievable pain through my being, robbing the strength of my legs and the steadiness of my sight. And he smiled, offering a gentle shrug and going on.

“From my eyes, I am the failure to you. I am late to rescue you. I cannot rescue or help anyone that I care for. I leave you Captain-less in failure and disgrace, with the burden of leading. I call upon you again when I am bed-ridden, to clean up the messes with my students that I could not take care of myself. I send you to the wolves, after Orochimaru, after Sasuke, with a double agent from The Foundation, while I am stuck in a hospital. You return and I put the complete burden of Naruto’s training on you. I leave you to go after the Akatsuki, and you have to step in to rescue me from my inadequacies, again. I try to see to it that you are safe and hidden for the war, while still maintaining your honor and utilizing your skill, and you are taken, you are tortured, you are forced to become a tool again, a weapon against your comrades. And then, in my own selfishness, I ask you to serve as my body guard… because, I am too terrible not to keep you by my side… Stepping in front of you happened without a thought… You have reignited hope and passion into my life. You opened my heart back to friendship and being truly alive. I could say so many things, Tenzo… but, at the root of it all, it is because I love you…"

His hand opened for mine again, and I filled it without thought.

"Selfishly, and to your unending detriment… but, I love you…”

“You… you love me?” I sputtered. “All this time,  _you’ve_  felt so unworthy, and you’ve loved me?”

“Yah… I don’t expect you to return my affections, but, I’m sorry to know that you’ve felt so unworthy on the other end, too…”

“You don’t expect…”

My shock broke at last, almost hysterical laughter peeling out of me.

“You’re such an idiot, Senpai.”

I was over him then, his hand clutched tight against my thundering heart beat as I pressed a kiss into his forehead. The beeping of his monitor beside us picked up in a frantic rhythm, and he exhaled, beaming up at me when I withdrew and told him in return, “I love you, too, Kakashi.”

With a small grunt of effort, he lifted his free arm, tracing a gentle touch over my cheek before his strength gave out, and I caught his falling limb.

“Rest,” I whispered, straightening up.

He nodded, weak, but completely aglow.

I resettled in the armchair beside him, lit with my own ecstasy, fingers not ever to leave their hold through his.

“Hey Tenzo,” he said after a while. “Naruto has been named Hokage, hasn’t he?”

“We can get you reinstated, I’m sure. It was just yesterday that-"

“No. No, don’t. I’m so happy for him… And I am happy to hand down the baton. More than happy…” 

An expression settled over his face that I hadn't ever seen through all of our many years. I'd watched in awe, studied meticulously to learn the subtle movements beneath his mask, to know his silent cues, and unspoken moods. But, to see all tension at last fall from his shoulders, melting its unyielding strain from the focused heaviness over his face, I realized what I was seeing, what Kakashi was finally getting to experience - peace. 

“I have an idea," he said after a beat. "How long do you think it will be before Sakura let us travel?”

“Travel?! Senpai, you just woke up from a  _coma_!”

“Hear me out," he defended, smirk taking his lips. "Hotsprings. We go do my rehab at a hot spring. Sakura can come with us. I’ll pay for the whole thing. It will be relaxing and healing, for both of us.”

I shook my head with a massive roll of my eyes.

“I  _highly_  doubt Sakura will  _ever_  get behind this.”

“We can wait till The Academy lets out for break. She can bring Sarada. I’ll get them their own room, and they can bond. Hell, I’ll pay for Ino to come along with them for fun, too.”

“I’m beginning to think you're a different person waking up with how loose you’re wanting to be with your purse strings.”

He tilted his head to the side in a mock-shrug, undeterred from his new plans.

“I still don’t think you’ll get Sakura on board."

“Mah, I’ll wear her down… If you’re going to insist on nursing me back to health, at least let me do the little I can to take care of you too during the process."

He met my eyes, giving a tiny wink before an earnest smolder.

"I meant what I said before.”

My stomach flipped, and for a moment, I felt as though I might need to attach his heart monitor to myself and make sure bliss hadn't stopped my heart.

“And I meant it, too.”

He brought my hand to his lips, back of my palm colliding a little sloppily as his promise feathered over in a breathy whisper.

“The rest of our days.”

I hummed in absolute agreement, echoing -

“The rest of our days…”

And I exhaled in a weightless peace of my own.


End file.
